Nicole Diana Marie Sanger was born on July 28, 1986 after a lengthy stay in the hospital due to me developing Pre-Eclampsia during my pregnancy. She was my first baby and I thought that I was having a boy. Well, I was quite surprised when my baby girl arrived @ 5:34 p.m. She was cutest little baby I had ever seen and I was thankful that I had finally gotten to meet her.
I was 7 months pregnant when I was admitted to hospital and I was severely sick with Toxemia to the point where I was placed in the Critical Care Unit and watched 24/7 due to a large amount of swelling/fluid on my body. Another facet of Toxemia is extremely high blood pressure and the doctors had said on many occasions that I had been knocking on heaven's door. But I guess, it takes alot to kill me because I am still here. The doctors told my family that I was close to death and the baby needed to come out as all of my organs were at risk as well during the whole pregnancy. The baby was very healthy but I was the sick one.
But we both survived the ordeal and I recovered nicely after my blood pressure stabilized which was quite awhile after the birth before they allowed me to go home. The only reason they allowed me to go home then, was because I told them that I would rest, so they sent me home with blood pressure meds.
While I was in the hospital, I wasn't allowed to have any visitors, I wasn't allowed to do anything. I would brush my hair, and my blood pressure would hit the roof. I would go to the bathroom and my blood pressure would hit the roof, if I sat up to eat, took a shower, anything, the slightest thing, and my bp would go sky high.
Visitors had snuck in to see me on a few occasions but were immediately asked to leave. I remember feeling very sad when this would happen. All of my friends wanted to see me and came in from Lewisporte to do so only to be told by the doctors that they had to leave because her blood pressure was uncontrollably high and she could go into convulsions at any minute.
It was a scary time and a rewarding time all at once. All of my hard work of excercising because I had heard that it would help when I went into labor, didn't pay off at all because the pains were excruitiating and unbearable. But as I said, I was rewarded with the sweetest little gift.
I was only 17 but I was a good mom or at least I think I was. I had to adjust to not being able to go out as I once was able to, because I had alot more responsibility than my friends did, but mom was pretty good and let me go out on nights because they were staying home anyway.
Now, 24 years later, and there she is. All grown up. She's not a little girl anymore. She has grown into a beautiful young woman who I am extremely proud of. She rewards me through her success, through her caring nature for her family, her kindness, her sense of humor...and to be able to see me in her at times is kinda neat too.
I do find it hard at times because she is away but I also understand that she has her own life to live and it is her choice where she wants to live it to.
As long as I can get to see her every now and again, I'll be happy.
Nikki has her own Hairstyling Salon and is doing very, very well. She has quite the following of clients and she doesn't even have to leave her house which is a bonus, short commute to work and you can't beat it in my mind.
For the most part, we get to talk almost every day either on the computer, through texting or phone calls. She lives in Fort McMurray with her boyfriend and they have an English Bull dog named, Felix. He is bigger than she is and he is quite comical to say the least. I know that he is in love with my daughter because he doesn't let her out of his sight. But I can see why. She talks to him the same as she would talk to a human and he loves the attention.So this is just a short version of my daughter, a little bit about her and the circumstances surrounding her birth.
Thanks for reading,
Blessings,
Kellee
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Thursday, October 7, 2010
FIBROMYALGIA.....BLOG ME AWAY.................................
For all of you fibromytes...I ask the question. Is Fibromyalgia what we have become? Is there any way to stop this disease from becoming US? This is such a huge quest and if the only thing that I am able to do here is to raise awareness, then I'll take it, wholeheartedly and wisk away with my tail between my legs feeling like I have failed every other fibromyalgiac in the world.
How do others perceive us in the big "land of health?" For this, I have some perceptions based on actual occurances with my experiences. Some are empathetic to our illness, others project it in a way as to create so much negativity that it breeds a huge lack of compassion. Misunderstood, we certainly are. Why? I could write a whole book on this, let alone a blog.
So, yes, I as a human being, feel that Fibromyalgia is in itself a job. Laugh if you will...I am...for laughter is the best medicine we are told and I welcome it with open arms.
So the questions is, where do we go from here? Where do I go from here?
Let's just say, I have alot of work to do. I will start with 'MY LIFE' and how it has come to be. I will start telling my story to the world in hopes that it may have an impact on someone and perhaps save a life. I will start by coming forward with what I know to this date. (I guess there is a lot of blogging in my future)...and that's okay! :)
What does one do when they have lost everything to this disease called Fibromyalgia?
I myself, am still in a shock that I can't seem to close off...I can't believe the impact that it has had on my life and how much it has affected my family. I ask, can we recover from this? Where do I start? Well, I will start from the beginning.....so stay tuned....come join me in what will be one of the biggest fights of my life....
Thanks for reading,
Blessings to you
Kellee
How do others perceive us in the big "land of health?" For this, I have some perceptions based on actual occurances with my experiences. Some are empathetic to our illness, others project it in a way as to create so much negativity that it breeds a huge lack of compassion. Misunderstood, we certainly are. Why? I could write a whole book on this, let alone a blog.
So, yes, I as a human being, feel that Fibromyalgia is in itself a job. Laugh if you will...I am...for laughter is the best medicine we are told and I welcome it with open arms.
So the questions is, where do we go from here? Where do I go from here?
Let's just say, I have alot of work to do. I will start with 'MY LIFE' and how it has come to be. I will start telling my story to the world in hopes that it may have an impact on someone and perhaps save a life. I will start by coming forward with what I know to this date. (I guess there is a lot of blogging in my future)...and that's okay! :)
What does one do when they have lost everything to this disease called Fibromyalgia?
I myself, am still in a shock that I can't seem to close off...I can't believe the impact that it has had on my life and how much it has affected my family. I ask, can we recover from this? Where do I start? Well, I will start from the beginning.....so stay tuned....come join me in what will be one of the biggest fights of my life....
Thanks for reading,
Blessings to you
Kellee
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
IN THE AFTERMATH OF MATTHEW
It is late but I am ready to write.
Supper was great at my mom's house, it was nice to sit and enjoy a meal with them. I cherish every minute that I get to spend with my family. Mom made me a tasty bread pudding (just for me) and as I devoured it, I thought...yes, it's these simple things in life that make me the most happiest indeed!!
Last night was tough and I was praying constantly for answers once again and spiritual calm. The answers did not come but the spiritual calm certainly came in the form of sleep. It was deep and it was needed.
One of the gifts that I received today was hearing my son on the other end of the phone telling me that he was okay and that he would be calling me later tonight...this call will give me a shred of hope if nothing else right now, I will take this, FOR NOW!!! I have no choice.
As I listened, I thought, Oh NO, what has happened now?? Now, it's automatic, and sheer panic coats my entire existence. They are fine, but Matthew is not doing so well. He is in the hospital and he is not feeling very well.
That coat of panic elevated to sheer hysterics at this point.
A little while later, I find myself on the way to the hospital to see my son. It was a gorgeous night and on the way I tried to find things to soothe me, the calm of the night, the beautiful moon. I needed some time to think. I needed some time to collect myself so I could be ready for my son.
Upon arrival, I walked in through the emergency doors and went to the Nurses station. They showed me where my son was. He was settled in a trauma room directly across from the Nurses Station. I entered the room, I could see him move his eyes and I said that I loved him and he told me he loved me too. I sat down and looked at this picture, becoming an all too familiar picture with repeats. As much as I wanted to talk, he didn't. He had told me he wasn't feeling well and I didn't want to press for answers at this point. He was dosing in and out of sleep and as I watched my son, my blood, sweat, and tears on that gurney....all I could think was that this could have been so much worse!!!
As he lay there drifting into sleep, I kept looking at the pulse rising up and down in his neck...I was thankful...I kept holding onto his hand and wanting to touch his face..I kept running my hands through his beautiful, thick hair......this is my Son, this is my little boy.....how much more can the three of us take......before someone listens to us!!!
There are many questions, arising from the beginning of the incident, to the end. There are few people accountable for what happened to Matthew.
So, you ask what happened? And I say, God wasn't ready to take him yet, thank you God!!! I say, if someone doesn't listen to what I have to say, I might not be as lucky the next time as to see his little heart pumping from underneath the blankets.
As I sat there, my eyes fixated on his every move, I could feel the smothering thought of him being in front of me, not breathing. I couldn't fathom this happening, I can't fathom this happening!!! How do I stop it???? How do we get help when we need it? Does there have to be bloodshed first? Does a person have to die first? This is Time-Sensitive. This is Urgent. This is the face of a child misunderstood and lost in the Stages of a System gone terribly wrong, that no-one wants to investigate, for if they did, God knows what they may find.....well, I will fight with every fiber of my being, for my sons' lives and for mine......and in doing so, I will get justice for my family, for all that we've had to endure.
And I ask myself, how could I have trusted a System that had let me down and wronged Me, so many years ago??? How could I have trusted a System that Supports so much misery????? But I digress............
Supper was great at my mom's house, it was nice to sit and enjoy a meal with them. I cherish every minute that I get to spend with my family. Mom made me a tasty bread pudding (just for me) and as I devoured it, I thought...yes, it's these simple things in life that make me the most happiest indeed!!
Last night was tough and I was praying constantly for answers once again and spiritual calm. The answers did not come but the spiritual calm certainly came in the form of sleep. It was deep and it was needed.
One of the gifts that I received today was hearing my son on the other end of the phone telling me that he was okay and that he would be calling me later tonight...this call will give me a shred of hope if nothing else right now, I will take this, FOR NOW!!! I have no choice.
As I listened, I thought, Oh NO, what has happened now?? Now, it's automatic, and sheer panic coats my entire existence. They are fine, but Matthew is not doing so well. He is in the hospital and he is not feeling very well.
That coat of panic elevated to sheer hysterics at this point.
A little while later, I find myself on the way to the hospital to see my son. It was a gorgeous night and on the way I tried to find things to soothe me, the calm of the night, the beautiful moon. I needed some time to think. I needed some time to collect myself so I could be ready for my son.
Upon arrival, I walked in through the emergency doors and went to the Nurses station. They showed me where my son was. He was settled in a trauma room directly across from the Nurses Station. I entered the room, I could see him move his eyes and I said that I loved him and he told me he loved me too. I sat down and looked at this picture, becoming an all too familiar picture with repeats. As much as I wanted to talk, he didn't. He had told me he wasn't feeling well and I didn't want to press for answers at this point. He was dosing in and out of sleep and as I watched my son, my blood, sweat, and tears on that gurney....all I could think was that this could have been so much worse!!!
As he lay there drifting into sleep, I kept looking at the pulse rising up and down in his neck...I was thankful...I kept holding onto his hand and wanting to touch his face..I kept running my hands through his beautiful, thick hair......this is my Son, this is my little boy.....how much more can the three of us take......before someone listens to us!!!
There are many questions, arising from the beginning of the incident, to the end. There are few people accountable for what happened to Matthew.
So, you ask what happened? And I say, God wasn't ready to take him yet, thank you God!!! I say, if someone doesn't listen to what I have to say, I might not be as lucky the next time as to see his little heart pumping from underneath the blankets.
As I sat there, my eyes fixated on his every move, I could feel the smothering thought of him being in front of me, not breathing. I couldn't fathom this happening, I can't fathom this happening!!! How do I stop it???? How do we get help when we need it? Does there have to be bloodshed first? Does a person have to die first? This is Time-Sensitive. This is Urgent. This is the face of a child misunderstood and lost in the Stages of a System gone terribly wrong, that no-one wants to investigate, for if they did, God knows what they may find.....well, I will fight with every fiber of my being, for my sons' lives and for mine......and in doing so, I will get justice for my family, for all that we've had to endure.
And I ask myself, how could I have trusted a System that had let me down and wronged Me, so many years ago??? How could I have trusted a System that Supports so much misery????? But I digress............
Sunday, October 3, 2010
BOY HAVE I GOT A GIG FOR YOU!!!!
Hello Everyone &
Welcome to my Blog.
It was kinda silly really. Here I was just sitting there thinking and wishing that I could be like everyone else and be able to work for a living. But, after many tried attempts, this had failed due to my health deteriorating! Then, my rationalization of the statement, "where one door closes, another door opens," peeked in at me again and I tried to ignore it but I just couldn't today for some reason.
I thought about what kind of a person I was or how I would describe myself to others: I am a singer at heart, a writer at heart, a songwriter at heart, a musician at heart, an actor at heart, a comedian at heart.....hmmm...I thought, wouldn't it be great if I could take the positive aspects of who I am or who I want to be, scoop them all up, and share them with the rest of the world on a
PLATTER all you can eat buffet? The idea fascinated me and I wanted to get to work on it immediately. Hence, here I am, typing away and enjoying every minute of it too!!!! The silly part, yet, is I don't have an audience reading my stuff!!!! Yet!
I have learned from being sick that knowing that I am not alone with this disease has helped me to cope in so many way and I don't know what I would do if I couldn't reach out to others because for me, reaching out, helping others, is what I like doing best. This is where I came up with Fibro Radio which is currently being exercised in the comfort of my own living room. Hopefully, I can reach out to Fibromytes everywhere, and together we can spread the word about our illness and hopefully we can join hands to make my Fibro Family even Bigger.
Today is a very special day for me, kinda like a stepping-stone day I guess, because I have decided to GO-LIVE with FIBRORADIO.
I was sitting in the chair, minding my own business, looking around when it struck me. I was already at work and I didn't even have to leave the house. I further contemplated, I have been at work for a very long time and I didn't even know it!!! This realization in me was exciting to say the least. I don't think I have ever felt such a flutter in my stomach as I had when this news broke inside me. Yes, I have been working, I am working. And here I was, silly me, feeling guilty for not being able to work due to a chronic illness called Fibromyalgia/Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. Well, what a foolish gal you have been!!!! I have decided to go-live with my blog so people get to know who I am, what struggles I have on a daily basis, how I overcome them etc.
I find that the greatest gift of all, is getting to meet other people who are going through the same things you are, and it helps to know that you are not alone.
So, join me, as I write about my life. I hope each and every one of you can feel my presence each day of your life just as I know, I already can feel yours!
Blessings to you,
Kellee @ FIBRORADIO copyright 2010 Sanger
Welcome to my Blog.
It was kinda silly really. Here I was just sitting there thinking and wishing that I could be like everyone else and be able to work for a living. But, after many tried attempts, this had failed due to my health deteriorating! Then, my rationalization of the statement, "where one door closes, another door opens," peeked in at me again and I tried to ignore it but I just couldn't today for some reason.
I thought about what kind of a person I was or how I would describe myself to others: I am a singer at heart, a writer at heart, a songwriter at heart, a musician at heart, an actor at heart, a comedian at heart.....hmmm...I thought, wouldn't it be great if I could take the positive aspects of who I am or who I want to be, scoop them all up, and share them with the rest of the world on a
PLATTER all you can eat buffet? The idea fascinated me and I wanted to get to work on it immediately. Hence, here I am, typing away and enjoying every minute of it too!!!! The silly part, yet, is I don't have an audience reading my stuff!!!! Yet!
I have learned from being sick that knowing that I am not alone with this disease has helped me to cope in so many way and I don't know what I would do if I couldn't reach out to others because for me, reaching out, helping others, is what I like doing best. This is where I came up with Fibro Radio which is currently being exercised in the comfort of my own living room. Hopefully, I can reach out to Fibromytes everywhere, and together we can spread the word about our illness and hopefully we can join hands to make my Fibro Family even Bigger.
Today is a very special day for me, kinda like a stepping-stone day I guess, because I have decided to GO-LIVE with FIBRORADIO.
I was sitting in the chair, minding my own business, looking around when it struck me. I was already at work and I didn't even have to leave the house. I further contemplated, I have been at work for a very long time and I didn't even know it!!! This realization in me was exciting to say the least. I don't think I have ever felt such a flutter in my stomach as I had when this news broke inside me. Yes, I have been working, I am working. And here I was, silly me, feeling guilty for not being able to work due to a chronic illness called Fibromyalgia/Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. Well, what a foolish gal you have been!!!! I have decided to go-live with my blog so people get to know who I am, what struggles I have on a daily basis, how I overcome them etc.
I find that the greatest gift of all, is getting to meet other people who are going through the same things you are, and it helps to know that you are not alone.
So, join me, as I write about my life. I hope each and every one of you can feel my presence each day of your life just as I know, I already can feel yours!
Blessings to you,
Kellee @ FIBRORADIO copyright 2010 Sanger
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